FanNation

Well, I just recently earned my M.D. from the very credible online med school of Poznan Medical Academy. (Yes, it is in Poland) So I can now be called a doctor. And my first job as a doctor will be to help out some individual players of a struggling MLB team.

That team, at least for today, is the Cleveland Indians. Despite going 96-66 last year and coming within one massive choke job of going to and probably winning the World Series, the Indians are currently a very mediocre 16-17, and the hitting is struggling mightly. So I will go through the team, starter by starter, and give out some prescriptions. Hopefully, I can help.

C: Victor Martinez-A DVD Player. Now, you may wonder why I am complaining about a player who is hitting about .340 this year and is the only consistent player in the lineup. Well, he also has 0 home runs. Now, Martinez is usually a very good home run hitter, but this year has been awful. He needs to look back on some tapes of how he used to hit for power back in the good old days, cuase this is getting ridiculous. Without Pronk, we need some power.

1B: Ryan Garko-Another year. He's so young, he has so much talent, it'll come around soon. The second year is always hard for great rookies, and this is just normal. I'll lay off him.

2B: Asdrubal Cabrera-A spa visit. In last years playoffs, Dru was always as cool, calm, and collected as a vet. despite being very young. This year, he has looked tense the entire time, and he is hitting about .210. Where is the calmness? he just needs to relax, and hitting him in the 9 hole like Wedgie has been doing is a good idea.

SS: Johnny Peralta-A position switch. Right now, Jhonny is pretty much the slowest SS I've ever seen. Now, you really don't need speed at third base, so why not move him there? Current 3B Casey Blake can play about anywhere, so why block J.P.'s switch? Maybe not have to be criticized for "not being Omar" and being at 3B will let Jhonny focus his efforts on his hitting. It'll be there, it always is.

3B: Casey Blake-A giant thank-you card. All Casey ever does is go out there and have a solid season and plays wherever the hell the Tribe wants to put him and never complains. All this from a career minor leaguer with Minnesota. Thank you, Casey.

OF: Grady Sizemore- A day off every once in a while. We love you Grady, but take one. For me. Other than that. no complaints.

Other OF: David Delucci, Ben Fransisco, Shin-Soo Choo, Franklin Gutierez, Larry, Curly, Moe, and the Fonz-Take 2 and throw out the rest! Okay, the last 4 were made up, but the Indians have WAY too many off the same players. They all hit .250 with 15 HRs and 60 RBI. And it sucks! They all never get to play because they just have to share a spot with 3 other people. I guarantee you that just picking some starters would make them all play better. Cut the others, trade them, give them to Japan, whatever! Just get them OUT!

SP-Fausto Carmona-The love letter I've been writing for him. He's just awesome. No complaints.

SP: Cliff Lee- The CIA. To find out what race of aliens abucted the real Cliff Lee and replaced him with the prototypical pitcher. No complaints.

The Other 2 Starters-Can't think of anymore witty comments. No complaints. 

SP: C.C. Sabathia-A contract extension. Okay, I've come to this conclusion. The reason C.C. is pitching so bad is that all he's worrying about is getting a $200 million contract with the Yankees. So he presses, tries to throw 117 MPH, and pitches terrible! Please, just sign with the Tribe for 15 million a year, and get it over with. Take the little bit of a paycut for some job security and loyal fans. Than you can just forget about this contract crap and try to wrestle the Cy Yound out of Cliff Lee's hands.

So their are my diagnoses. I think with my help, the Tribe will be well on their way to another division title. Or if i'm wrong, I'll just have less credibility than this doctor.