By Chris Ballard
Texas Rangers outfielder Milton Bradley said Thursday he wanted to "introduce" himself to Kansas City Royals television announcer Ryan Lefebvre after some negative comments made on the air. Bradley stormed up four flights of Kauffman Stadium stairs looking for Lefebvre after the Rangers' 11–5 victory Wednesday night..... Bradley has a history of losing his temper. --Associated Press, June 12, 2008
Congratulations on your purchase of the new Milton Bradley(c) Milton Bradley board game, where the goal is to be the first to lose all your marbles. (NOTE: Please do not throw marbles at other players, even if you think they've insulted you.)
Up to six people can play, one for each of Bradley's teams during his nine-year career: Montreal Expos, Cleveland Indians, Los Angeles Dodgers, Oakland A's, San Diego Padres and Texas Rangers. Watch for frequent updated editions of Milton Bradley that include his latest team. (A special Japanese version is anticipated by 2012.)
AGES: Old enough to know better.
SETUP: Everything you need to play is in the Milton Bradley Batter's Box, including dice, six marbles per player, fold-out board, game cards and just-for-fun stress-relief ball. Though it may appear that you're missing some of the cards, you're not. Part of the fun of Milton Bradley is that you never play with a full deck!
GAMEPLAY: Players roll the dice -- just as teams do when they acquire Bradley! -- and move to a square:
1. Be Like Milton. Draw from the deck and try to guess how Bradley would react in real-life scenarios. Answer correctly and you lose a marble... and roll again!
Example: You're playing rightfield, and a fan throws a plastic bottle in your direction. Do you: a) remove the bottle, then point security to the fan who might have thrown it? b) pretend to chug the bottle to mock fan drunkenness, then deposit it in the nearest recycling bin? c) spike the bottle at the feet of fans in the stands, then rip off your jersey as if auditioning for the WWE, leading to off-season anger-management therapy? (Answer: c, of course! Bradley did it in 2004.)
2. Know Your Milton. Pick a card and test your Bradley expertise -- with a lost marble on the line. For example, True or False: When an ornery teammate questions Bradley's hustle, Bradley discreetly talks to him about the issue then "hugs it out."
(Answer: False! When this happened in L.A. with Jeff Kent three years ago, Bradley ripped the second baseman to the media, saying Kent couldn't relate to black players. The tension between them lasted until the Dodgers unloaded Bradley after the season.)
3. On Whose !@#$ Authority? Land on the middle finger icon and choose one authority figure to "challenge": Umpire, Manager, G.M. or Police Officer. Fill in the blank correctly, and you get to roll again... and get rid of a marble! Example:
Q: When a cop pulls you over for speeding, you should [blank]?
A: Refuse to accept the ticket and zoom away, as Bradley did in 2003, leading to a three-day stay in jail.
4. Down He Goes! Head straight to the DL (look for the icon of Mark Prior) and draw from the deck to determine your fate.
Injury cards include Pulled Hammy (lose a turn), Tweaked Oblique (two turns) and the dreaded Ump Attack. The last card sends you to Torn ACL Grotto, where you spend four turns "rehabbing," just as Bradley did in 2007 after he shredded his knee while being restrained from charging an umpire who'd insulted him.
5. Square of Redemption. Land here and you gain two marbles (because while the goal of the game is to be bad, Bradley's got a lot of good in him). Squares include: Run a Youth Charity (icon of the Milton Bradley Baseball Academies for at-risk youth), Good Teammate (shot of a grinning Nick Swisher, Bradley's pal with the A's), Quiet Intelligence (cover of The Fountainhead, his favorite book) and Vie for a Batting Title (the number .332, Bradley's average when this edition was released). Be careful not to collect too many marbles -- or make an All-Star team -- because you might just end up Redeemed!
6. Five-Tool Immunity. Land here and earn a special token (shaped like a bug-eyed scout). No matter what, you can always get back in the game with Five Tools!
HOW TO WIN: You can't! In keeping with the spirit of Milton Bradley himself, Milton Bradley makes no sense at all, but it sure is fun to play!
WARNING: We, the makers of this game, cannot guarantee that if you insult the real Milton Bradley during gameplay that he will not find you and "introduce" himself. If this happens, please refrain from telling him how you heard about this game. Seriously. If you need us, we'll be hiding in Ryan Lefebvre's basement.
Tracy Burns
Bar Refaeli
Campus Cribs: Va. Tech Softball
Did You See That?
Comments (4) Add A Comment
I cannot tell you how disappointed I am in you after reading this, Mr. Ballard. You have been one of my most-read sports journalists in recent years, while agreeing and disagreeing with you, but always, none-the-less, respecting your views.
This piece however, I cannot respect, or as well obviously, agree with. To laugh off Bradley's claims about Jeff Kent as you did here are shocking and sad. I believe, that is uncharacteristic of who I believe you are. Milton Bradley certainly is not perfect, and consequences for some of his actions years ago are/were certainly in order.
But to take this piece where you have, during a year in which the guy is enjoying much success, is sadly classless, and unfortunately typical of sports writers in America today. I believe you are above that typical sportswriters tag. I anticipate a return to the great pieces you have always written, in order to shrug this one off. Nobody is perfect.
EastCoastKeith
Jersey Shore, NJ
Total Comments (1863)
Sir, I thought that this piece was hilarious. As bad as we're struggling here in Cleveland, I would'nt take Milton Bradley back if he came with a lifetime subscription to Russel Branyon, and was half price!
I vividly remember 'the Bradley days', and while it's true he could hit, he hustled only when it suited him, (i.e. in a big media game with plenty of coverage), and the atmosphere in the clubhouse was often one of tension because other players were constantly trying to cater to his present moodswing. Not out of any respect for him, but because they had respect for the TEAM, and wanted to keep the clubhouse focussed on the important things, the game.
What I think would be very interesting is to do a survey of the fans in any city where he played, and then moved on, if they would want him back. I know that here in Cleveland, even when he hurts us with his hitting (and then his 'posturing'), he's still just a joke. A very talented loser.
Cleveland Beewilly
Rittman , OH
Total Comments (1)
By all accounts from the San Diego media, Bradley was beloved in the clubhouse last year. Few people realize the Padres tried pretty hard to resign him back in November for this season, and he got a better offer from Texas. Realize too, this guy is only in the media spotlight when he does something wrong. I was at a Padres-Phillies game last August and sat in left field right behind him. The Phillies fans around me hurled racial slurs at him from the first pitch to the last. Bradley turned around once the entire night after a certain word was used repeatedly and a cup of beer landed on the warning track. Bradley turned around to see what fell by him. Bradley hit a bombing home run that night to help SD seal the win too.
And what did ESPN show? Bradley turning around to look at the fans - the one time he did, to see what was thrown at him.
Until you walk in this guy's shoes and live his life, chill out with the "loser" tag.
EastCoastKeith
Jersey Shore, NJ
Total Comments (1863)
At first I thought this was funny, but shortly after I realized that this is very disappointing. Why egg-on a guy who already gets it from all angles? Anyone know if Bradley has seen this?
ProfessorX
Marietta , PA
Total Comments (1)
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